💬 First Take

Amsterdam is my adopted home, so yeah-I’m biased. But I love this place. It’s a true marvel-the crooked buildings, the canals, the lights, the De Wallen circus, and the “coffeeshops” that don’t sell coffee (I’ll never get over that).

A couple things they don’t put in the brochures: Amsterdam has parrots- big green Amazon-looking things that scream at you from trees like they’re late for work. And rats-they live in the bushes and along the canals, they don’t bother anyone, but they’re f’n huge.

Because of that, everyone wants a cat, which makes getting one basically impossible. True story: my daughter couldn’t get a cat here, so she rescued one from Greece. Flew it in. The cat has a passport. You cannot make this shit up.

The brown bars are full of history, great beer, but please… don’t drink Heineken, its a slightly better version of Bud in the US. You’re in Amsterdam, not a college dorm. If you want the full Dutch experience, toss back a few shots of Jenever and see what happens.

A few tips:
Walk or take public transport. Do not drive- that’s chaos. We’ll cover bikes a little later, but Amsterdam biking is basically a religion, and locals are pros. Not for beginners, drunk uncles, or people easily frightened by bells.

Stick with me, you’ll be fine, you’ll love this place. Trust me.

🤷‍♂️ The Good, The Weird & The WTF

Amsterdam is one part sleazy, one part regal European capital- and they battle for the soul of the city.

Amsterdam has done a good job cleaning up its seedy reputation. There are still a lot of drugs(pot really), but they’re mostly in coffeeshops where, interestingly, you can’t get coffee- you get pot. Most locals don’t partake; it’s really a tourist thing.

The sex trade is almost exclusively in De Wallen, the Red Light District, and it has been so cleaned and polished it could be a new theme park for Disney. They have the Sex Museum, the Pot Museum, the Torture Museum - but they’re all on par with Madame Tussauds. The whole underbelly has gone a bit Hollywood.

If you really want to see the true soul of Amsterdam, it’s lying just outside the rings in the neighborhoods -De Pijp, Jordaan, Oost, Westerpark, etc. Great music, lots of amazing restaurants, and the best of the best cozy little bars Europe has to offer.

I love this place. It’s my adopted home.

I’m no tour guide, but I will share the best stuff to do here -and stuff I’d leave for the rookies.

Outside Centraal-Almost got hit by the metro in this spot(story for later)

👉 Come on, we’re doing this together

I’m not a tour guide. BUT- put on your best walking shoes-here’s where I’m taking you.

Rijksmuseum → I love museums and this is one is the alpha. If we only get one- this is it. The national art museum of the Netherlands, home to Rembrandt’s Night Watch, Vermeer’s Milkmaid, and a thousand reminders that Dutch painters knew what they were doing. It’s huge, but its gotta be done.

Van Gogh Museum → It was close between the two, but if you only have time for one, this is our second call- Across the green at Museumplein, it’s the world’s largest Van Gogh collection. Im a fanboy, if we have time, we’ll do it.

Anne Frank House → Yeah- I know you want to go. Only if we can get tickets. Somber, powerful, and unforgettable. Book early-tickets sell out fast-It’s worth seeing for the historical perspective alone.

Captain Dave Boat Tours → Yeah, its touristy, but as a local, I done a few. Seeing the crooked canal houses from the water gives you a whole new view of the city, and Captain Dave is the best.

The Noordermarkt- We will grab some fresh hummus and bread AND a much more authentic souvenir for your mom. A better option to the Albert Cuyp, more unique swap -meet type stuff, good fresh food, breads etc. Only open on Sat, and Monday- check it out here.

🍴 The Bite Test

Dutch food sucks (sorry, stamppot fans). Unlike Italy, France, or Spain, the Netherlands isn’t known for its local cuisine. But don’t worry- the city delivers amazing eats from everywhere else. Here’s where we are eating.

🥐 Breakfast

Bakers & Roasters → First call- New Zealand-style, huge portions, great service. Tucked in just off Ferdinand Bol near Marie Heinekenplein & Albert Cuyp Market. Pro tip: We’ll get reservations, then stroll De Pijp.
Blue Amsterdam** → One of your days- do we’ll do this one. Above the rooftops with panoramic views. This makes the A list.
Honorable mentions:
Omelegg →Omelets are king, but they do much more- big portions, great fresh ingredients- love this place, if you stay by one, this one moves up the list.
Little Collins→ You know, this could be at the top. Its a great Little place- different- limited, curated, clever menu with fresh ingredients. if you are looking for a bit of art in your food-we’ll go here.

🥪 Lunch

Café Luxembourg (Spui, Rokin exit off the 52 Metro) →Love this old place. My favorite little classic Amsterdam café,-and a classic beer bar, Hoppe, is right next door, so it scores double points.
The KaasBar** (near Albert Cuyp Market) → If we have a little time, think about 30+ Dutch cheeses and good wine. It’s ONLY cheese, but it’s glorious..
Libertine**Since its next to the Noordermart, if we can swing it, its worth it.

🍝 Dinner

We got lotsa good options. Notice- I’m not taking you to Dutch food. I could, but why? Afterall, we’re friends.

Loetje → We WILL do this. Casual, local chain, but my go-to Amsterdam fav, famous for its Bali steak. Good food, fair prices, multiple locations.
Impero Romano → Best Italian in the city. Hard to get a reservation, but worth it.
Venus and Adonis** → Great Ribs and steak, get a table outside by the canal( in season, of course).
Blauw → High-end Indonesian (rijsttafel). Pricey but excellent.
Pasta Pasta → Walk-in, fast-casual, fresh pasta made to order. Cheap, quick, tasty.
The Butcher → Best burgers in town. Local chain, several easy to access locations.

🍺 Drinks

Brown Bars → You and I will def hit more than one old-school Amsterdam pub. There are SO many to choose from- These are gezelig- I’ll likely take you to both of these for sure:
- Proeflokaal Arendsnest ** → Brown bar supreme. Over 50 Dutch beers on tap, nuff said.
- Pilsener Club (just off Kalverstraat) → Brown Bar of all brown bars-Feels untouched for 100 years. Local beers, Jenever, Dennis(Owner/Server) will take good care of us.
Terraces Everywhere → Spot one in the sun? Sit, sip, and watch the world go by. Gezelig.

🌙 Snacks and Treats

FEBO → Dutch institution. Not fancy, just vending-machine-style fast food for the late-night crowd. A rite of passage (and maybe a hangover cure- we will need this).
FRIES!!!! → Fries are a religion here, Vleminckx is a dutch tradition- We’ll keep it simple. Done.
Anook** → We’ll hit this one in DePijp. Cute, amazing treats-A personal Fav- You’ll love it.

Almost cashed in my chips right here… watch out for the trams, they are everywhere(look at the tracks)

🚋 The Getting-Around Bit

Sorry, I’m not taking you on a bike. We are walking or using public trans-Bikes are for locals.

Public Transport + TAP-IN Rules: You can get 1- and 2-day GVB passes at stations, but we will be moving around a lot, I prefer just tapping in & out with a debit/credit card. Just make sure you tap out. If you don’t, after 24 hours they’ll ding you ~€20. It’s worth doing right. (GVB info → GVB Public Transport Amsterdam) gvb.nl
Metro Line 52 (Noord/Zuidlijn) Highlight: Start at Centraal Station, ride Metro 52 south. Get off at stops, walk around, then hop back on. This will be our core route through the city.
- Rokin: Kalverstraat & Dam Square, also an easy walk to Jordaan.
- Vijzelgracht: You’re near Museumplein.
- De Pijp: Albert Cuyp Market, Sarphati Park, great restaurants & cafés.
  Full route/time/schedule here → GVB Metro 52 info reisinfo.gvb.nl
Walking & Biking:
We will walk wherever we can- it’s the best way to really feel the city. If you’re comfortable on a bike, rent one (they’re cheap and everywhere) but you will have to convince me you are a real cyclist. I’m being real here, biking here is serious business, folks know what they’re doing. I have told my friends, I will likely die by bike, almost happened a couple of times already, so, If biking stresses you out, we will just stick with walking or public transport. Less stress and pain.

Click to see full gallery

**Hidden Gems-My Favs

Amsterdam-Beer, Bikes- Let’s Gogh!